VaYeitzei: Dance Like Nobody's Watching

The following ideas have been adapted from the Chasam Sofer in Toras Moshe. Feel free to print this out and read it over Shabbos Kodesh, just please not during Tefilos.

In the beginning of the Parsha the Torah HaKedoshah sets before us a vision that is so majestic, a prophecy that reaches to such mythic proportions that without proper clarification it leaves us on the one hand awed by its beauty but on the other hand confused as to its meaning.

On his journey to leave Eretz Yisrael, Yaakov Avinu takes a detour and spends the night on the Makom HaMikdash – the future site of the Temple. As he rests, God shows him a ladder; rungs that are Mutzav Artza, they are rooted in the ground and they are also Magi’a HaShamaimah, they reach the heavens. The ladder is connecting heaven and earth. He sees spiritual beings ascending and descending the ladder. And the most spectacular of all – the Presence of God Himself is poised at the top.

Yaakov Avinu awakes from his slumber in a state of sheer awe from the experience and he says, “Achein Yeish Hashem BaMakom HaZeh Va’Anochi Lo Yadati” – Yes, there is God in this place. And I? I did not know.

There is a peculiar Midrash in the Tanchumah Yashan that stems from this divine encounter. Let’s read it together carefully and examine some of its depth. Yilamdeinu Rabeinu! Master, teach us! Mah Bein Chalomoseihem Shel Tzadikim L’Chalomoseihem Shel Resha’im? What is the difference between a righteous person’s dreams and those of the wicked? V’Ana Lahem: Tzadikim Chalomoseihem BaShamayim U’Ba’Aretz. He answered that the dreams of the Tzadikim are in the heavens and earth. V’Chalomoseihem Shel Resha’im Ainan BaShamayim U’Ba’Aretz. But the dreams of Resha’im are not in the heavens and the earth. Shene’emar: Va’Yachalom V’Hinei Sulam Mutzav Artza V’Rosho Magi’a HaShamaimah. As we see by Yaakov Avinu’s dream where the ladder was in the heavens and the earth.

Somehow, someway, this Midrash is telling me how to be a Tzadik.

You know, all things in the world have a causality that makes them exist and the results that come about as a result of their existence. The first part is called a Sibah –a cause. A Sibah brings something about. The second part is called a Siman. The way to notice the presence and effects of that ‘something’ is through the Siman that it gives off. The need for mass-production is the Sibah for a factory, and the pollution is the Siman of the factory being there.

Our Midrash has given us a Siman – a way of discerning if a person is good evil by examining the quality of his dreams. Just like you can tell there is a factory by noticing the pollution you can also determine the spiritual nature of a person by the quality of his dreams.

But this Midrash doesn’t give us a Sibah. It doesn’t provide us with a reason. Fine, a Tzadik has one kind of dream and the Rasha has a different kind of dream. The Tzadik’s dreams are in heaven and earth and the dreams of the Rasha are not. But why is this so? What about being a Tzadik makes one’s dreams span heaven and earth? What about being a Rahsa disallows such a possibility? The Midrash gave us a Siman and left us to unravel the Sibah.

For this we need to take a detour and analyze how one could serve Hashem like a Tzadik and one could serve Him like a Rasha.

In the Beis HaMikdash during the holiday of Sucos there was a nightly festivity called the Simchas Beis HaShoeiva. In other essays we’ve discussed why it was so joyous. There was fire juggling and all night dancing. The Tana named Hilel used to say about the party, “Im Ani Kan HaKol Kan! V’Im Ein Ani Kan, Mi Kan?” ‘If I’m here, everyone is here! And if I’m not here – whose here?’ The simple meaning of this statement is that Hilel is calling himself the life of the party. When I show up the party really starts. But when I decide to leave? Shut the music. Turn out the lights. The party ends.

The Haflah turns this statement of Hilel on its head. You see, sometimes there are those who, Chas V’Shalom like to get into Avodas Hashem because it makes them feel secure. In certain circles it’s the ‘in thing’ to be as Frum as you can. The more dramatic they sway and the longer their prayers, the more accessories or books that they amass, the more advanced their studies are, the flashier their Chesed (acts of charity) is the cooler they become. When one falls into such a situation, he is not serving God. Anything but. He’s serving his circle of friends and himself.

But sometimes we don’t care who is watching. We care about one thing and one thing only. What is Ratzon Hashem? We just want to do the right thing. We want to appreciate the world and connect to God with our learning. We want to refine our character and to as much Chesed as we can so that we can save the world. My consciousness spreads far and wide looking for my next opportunity to do something amazing. And it doesn’t matter what people say. If people try to get me down – it doesn’t matter. If it seems that someone else is doing better than me – it also doesn’t matter. I don’t need to compare myself to others. I’m not serving Hashem for anyone else other than Hashem. The whole world, with their chuckling and their raised eyebrows and their snide comments can go bother someone else. This is not about me. I don’t exist. No one exists. This is about HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

The first guy is constantly comparing himself. There is no sense of real security because he always has to second-guess himself. He constantly is looking over his shoulder to check if he needs to Daven a bit more intensely. He is always worried about what his friends will say.  But the second? What does he care about? He’s trying to be close to Hashem. He’s trying to be a Tzadik and he doesn’t notice who’s watching.

This is what Hilel was saying. I came here to dance. Not to show off. Im Ani Kan – If I’m here - if I look at myself as something substantial. If I convince myself that I’m something that I’m not. Then HaKol Kan – Everyone is here. All the pressure is on. Everyone is looking at me. My Avodas Hashem is an outcome of peer pressure. But Im Ein Ani Kan – If I’m not here – If my Avodas Hashem is not about myself, when my Avodas Hashem ceases to be a result of my insecurities then Mi Kan? Who is here to stop me? Who can hold me back? No one. Im Ein Ani Kan, Mi Kan?

Why was Hilel the life of the party? Because he danced like no one was watching.

What’s a dream? Chazal tell us that a dream is your mind revealing to you the common thread between all of your thoughts that day. So Yaakov Avinu’s dream is telling us about the inner workings of his mind. The mind of a Tzadik.

What did Yaakov Avinu say when he awoke from his dream? “Achein Yeish Hashem BaMakom Hazeh - Yes, there is God in this place. Va’Anochi Lo Yadati – And I? I didn’t know.” Yaakov Avinu would have gotten his point across just fine had he simply said V’Lo Yadati – And I didn’t know? What is V’Anochi Lo Yadati? What is the need for the extra word? Va’Anochi Lo Yadati means, ‘And I didn’t know myself.’ V’Anochi Lo Yadati is synonymous with Im Ein Ani Kan. I’m not aware of personal biases in Avodas Hashem. I don’t sense the need to prove myself to anyone. Im Ein Ani Kan – If I’m not here – Mi Kan? Who is here? Once I step outside of my self I can begin to feel God in my life. Because Anochi Lo Yadati – he was able to sense Achein Yeish Hashem BaMakom HaZeh.

Now let’s go back to the Midrash.

Master, teach us! What is the difference between a righteous person’s dreams and those of the wicked? He answered that the dreams of the Tzadikim are in the heavens and earth. But the dreams of Resha’im are not in the heavens and the earth. As we see by Yaakov Avinu’s dream where the ladder was in the heavens and the earth.

Yaakov Avinu succeeded in becoming selfless in his Avodas Hashem. Through V’Anochi Lo Yadati he attained the level Im Ein Ani Kan Mi Kan. His consciousness, his inner desire to seek out spirituality and to attain it surpassed his body and social structure and instead became universal. His mind had God at the forefront as he connected heaven and earth.

But here’s a pretty simple question: If not in heaven, and if not on earth – where is the Rasha’s dreams? He thinks about himself. Im Ani Kan HaKol Kan.

But this is not us. We live in a world where we can be like Yaakov Avinu. No one is watching. Life is a one-on-one with God. Every moment is a private date with the Master of the Universe. I don’t fall prey to the pressures of my surrounding. I do the best I can because that’s the only true representation of my self. I’m not in this for anyone but God.

When my Avodas Hashem stops being about the gratification of my ego or my friends then I can really soar. Once I stop caring about what people will say, when I don’t judge myself based on how the other guy is doing, when I don’t look back, when I dance like no one is watching, when I just try to achieve as much as I can for no other reason other than it’s Ratzon Hashem – then no one can hold me back. Im Ein Ani Kan, Mi Kan?

We should be Zocheh.

Ashreinu!

Kislev/Vayeitzei: Extraction

We know that the Avos instituted the Tefilos, the prayers that we use to connect to Hashem. Each one of our forefathers set up a prayer K’neged - in parallel to one of three daily Korbanos.

Avraham Avinu instituted Tfilas Shacharis K’neged the Tamid of the morning. In Parshas Chayei Sarah, Yitzchak Avinu introduced the afternoon service of Mincha K’neged the Tamid Shel Bein HaArbayim. These two offerings culminate with the throwing of blood on the Mizbeiach, on the altar, a process called Zrikas HaDam.

In this week’s Parsha, as Yaakov Avinu leaves his home, he stops at what he later finds out is the Temple Mount. There institutes Ma’ariv, the prayer that is K’neged the Eivarim, the limbs which burn on the Mizbeiach all night.

Why is it that Avraham and Yitzchak institute Tefilos K’neged Zrikas HaDam, and Yaakov Avinu set’s up a Tefila Kneged the Eivarim?

The Shem MiSmuel explains based on a Midrash. The Midrash points us to a Passsuk in Tehilim. The Passuk says, “Tzamah Licha Nafshi, Kamah Licha Bisari.” ‘Hashem, my soul thirsts for You, my body yearns for You.’ The Midrash tells us that Yaakov knew this Passuk, but he added on to it. Kmo She’Nafshi Tzamah Licha, Kach HaEivarim She’Yeish Li Tzamim Licha, In the same way that my soul thirsts for you, so too does my body thirst for you.

What is the Midrash telling us? We already know that his body yearns for Hashem - Kama Licha Bisari! So why would the Midrash add that not only does his body yearn, but like his soul, his body also thirsts for closeness to Hashem. What’s being added here?

The holy Shem MiShmuel explains that the Midrash is telling us that Yaakov Avinu attained such a degree of holiness in his physical body that his body was elevated to the level of a soul, and therefore the Passuk of Tzamah Licha Nafshi, Kama Licha Bisari is not enough, but also Kmo She’Nafshi Tzamah Licha, Kach HaEivarim She’Yeish Li Tzamim Licha - my body is as spiritually sensitive as my soul is.

With this in mind we can begin understand why it is Davka Yaakov who institutes the Tefilah K’neged the Eivarim.

The morning and afternoon both fall under the category of day, light and brightness. These terms are themes that are connected to outright spirituality. The soul is light, he who is holy has a face that ‘shines’, Tzadikim benefit from the ‘glow’ of the Shechina, the righteous are enlightened. So it makes sense that the Tefilos of the day are connected to blood.

Why? Because the Passuk in Devarim tells us, “HaDam Hu HaNefesh” ‘The blood is the (seat of) the soul.’ The physical component of the soul’s life-giving force is found in the blood. Thus the blood is the most material way to relate to the soul. And based on this; the day, which is the time of metaphorical spiritual clarity, has sacrifices that will relate directly to the soul, as we see by the sprinkling of the blood by the Timidim of Shacharic and Bein HaArbayim.

The night on the other hand is darkness. This is physicality. The material world is dense. In both the physical and metaphorical sense, we can’t see through it. In the same way it is impossible to visually penetrate a wall, so too it is extremely difficult to see past the body and relate to the soul. It is so easy to become blinded by that which is real to the touch, and miss the deeper meaning contained within.

The scene of Parshas Vayeitzei opens with night. The sun dramatically disappears on Yaakov Avinu and night comes upon him. It is specifically then, in the time of material and metaphorical darkness that Yaakov taps into his exalted perception of physicality and institutes Ma’ariv. Like we said, Ma’ariv is K’neged the physically dense, dark and very ‘real’ Eivarim. Therefore it is Yaakov, who has Eivarim of his own which are on the elevated level of Nefesh who can elevate such a time, and thereby elevate a service rooted in body to become a service of soul. Beautiful.

We are now entering the night of the year. The day is becoming its shortest and the night is dominating our twenty-four-hour cycle. (Purim is Ayeles HaShachar, sunrise. Pesach is the morning etc…). So it is clearly very fitting that we introduce this concept of ‘spirituality in the night’ as we cross the threshold into the darkness of the year.

The Sefer Yetzira tells us that every month of the year has a letter, body-part and bodily function associated with it. The letter of the Kislev is Samech, the body-part is the stomach and the bodily function listed there is sleep. On top of all that, these factors need be seen through the lens the upcoming holiday of Chanukah.

As we know, the Avodah of Chanukah is candles. The subject of candles in Judaism is perhaps best summed up by the Passuk in Mishlei, “Ki Ner Mitzva V’Torah Ohr” ‘Mitzvos are the candle and the Torah is the light’. What does this mean?

A candle’s role is to convert oil or wax into light. In reality there is potential for light present inside of the fuel, it just needs the candle to extract and reveal it. In essence a candle is a vessel that reveals the light already present in fuel.

The world is a sea of endless dense, physical objects, but contained within all matter is the will of Hashem: how HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants me to relate to all of the physicality that comes my way. Says Chazal, ‘Istakel Be’Oraisa V’Bara Alma’ - Hashem peered into the Torah and created the world. This means that the Torah is inner-frame on which all things are formed. Inside any given object is its Penimius, the Koach of the Torah inside of it its internal value. This is it’s inner component of Razton Hashem. But how do we hit that point?

This is the job of Mitzvos. The Midrash Tanchuma tells us that there is not a single object in the world that can’t be related to through some form of Mitzvah. If every object has some Mitzvah attached to it, then there is always a way of revealing the Koach HaTorah stored inside of that object.

Just like we said that the light is present in the fuel but it needs the candle to expose it, so too the Ohr Torah, the spiritual light enclosed within physicality is revealed through the Ner Mitzvah the candle of the Mitzvos.

Yaakov Avinu, the third of our forefathers goes K’neged the third month of the year. And the concept of attaining the level of soul even in the context of body goes hand-in-hand with we are raising here in respect to Chanukah.

And this could be the ‘Stomach’ of Kislev. The singular role of the stomach is very connected to the above lesson of candles. The entire purpose of the stomach is to extract the life-source from within the food that it comes in contact with. When I look at a granola bar I don’t see the energy to hike up the mountain, but it’s there, and it’s my stomachs job to elevate that food into sustenance. Is there no clearer metaphor for Ki Ner Mitzvah V’Torah Ohr?

And this also could be the ‘sleeping’ that the Sefer Yetzirah connected to Chodesh Kislev. The themes of sleep understandably root themselves in the themes of night. And just like we said night is a metaphor for heightened physicality, so too for sleep. When I pass out, my soul leaves my body. For that reason my inner core of spirituality dims and I become a more physical being. With this in mind, it should be no surprise that Yaakov Avinu attains a prophecy deeper than any of the forefathers, and specifically in a state of unconsciousness. Because just like we said that Yaakov had a body on the level of a soul, so too his sleep was on a level more profound than the average cognizance and alacrity. For in Yaakov’s vision of the ladder that reached heavenward, the Passuk tells us that angels ascended and descended the ladder and Hashem Nitzav Alav, Hashem stood atop the ladder. The Midrash points out that the word Alav doesn’t necessarily mean on the ladder, rather it can be a reference to Yaakov himself. During his transcendental slumber, the presence of Hashem rested Mamesh on him! A truly amazing level.

And this could also be the letter Samech of this month. What is Samech? David HaMelech tells us in Ashrei that Samech is Somech Hashem L’Chol HaNoflim. Hashem supports all those who fall. Nefilah throughout scripture is a terminology used for falling asleep. For even now, in the night of the year God empowers us to be the candle in the darkness.

And perhaps this is also the Sulam, the ladder in the prophecy of Yaakov. The Passuk tells us that it was rooted in the ground, but reaching heavenward. And this is truly the life of every person. With our base in physicality we are always trying to connect to higher and higher places.

Life is so deep. Hashem is constantly sending me messages, sometimes subtle and sometime blatant. And all He wants is for me is to open up and little by little make myself more spiritually sensitive. Little by little to contemplate my surroundings and just ask, ‘What does Hashem want from me right now?’ Everything we mentioned above? This is how starts. A slight tweak in perspective that depth is attainable on all levels of life – this is how we, step by step bring ourselves to the level of Yaakov Avinu. Just by opening up my mind to the thought that physicality is meaningful is the biggest switch in perspective. Life is as meaningful as we choose to make it. With our entrance into the darkness of the year, we should take Yaakov’s message of Ki Ner Mitzvah V’Torah Ohr to heart.

If we can do this, there is no doubt that we will live lives of Simcha and Shleimus moving closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and ultimately the Geula Sheleimah!