Chanukah 2: Beis HaMikdash on my Porch

The following is based on the Sfas Emes. Feel free to print this out and read it over Shabbos Kodesh, just please not during Tefilos!

All of the various constructs of time that we experience work based on a unified Kabalistic formula called ‘Ratzo V’Shov’ – ‘Going and Coming’. ‘Coming’ is a reference to gaining energy while ‘Going’ means to expend it. This means that all time-systems, from the smallest all the way to the grandest, grow in a rising crescendo to their peak and then descend from there to a point of total powerlessness.

In the most microcosmic sense this is a person’s breath. When breathing in, my chest expands and pushes out until a point where it simply can’t contain any more. But then comes the moment of where I exhale and all of that vitalizing oxygen rushes out until I’m empty.

The day begins with sunrise. The sun creeps out without making too much of a presence. The dew of the previous night is not yet evaporated. There is no beaming heat. But all of that changes as we make our way to mid-day. Now we can barely be outside. I can feel the sun’s influence on the back of my neck. Only to be followed by another descent into sunset, and then towards the absolute darkness of midnight.

This applies to the week as well. The Kabalists teach that the light of Shabbos Kodesh already beings to enter the world on Tuesday night. The spiritual build-up reaches its climax on Shabbos itself and the universe makes it way down from there.

And during the month this manifests in how the moon waxes and wanes. We constantly experience how the moon’s presence pulsates from full until new and then back again.

And so too within the year’s seasons. In the summer the sun rises early and sets late. There is simply more light in the world. But as we make our way into the heart of winter the opposite occurs. The sun makes it’s way out up significantly later and comes down again before we can barely manage to enjoy the few, cloud-concealed rays that it does emit.

And on the grandest scale this is the life of a human being. From a powerless infant until a full-grown adult and then back down to a point where once again instead of being providers – we become dependant on our care-givers.

All of these systems are parables for one another. The peak of the inhale is the sun at noon, the week during Shabbos, the month during the full moon, the year during the summer and a person at their personal height. The end of the exhale is synonymous with the sunset, end of the week, new moon, heart of the winter and the end of life as a whole.

In the cycle of the year we are currently experiencing the most lifeless segment. We have the absolutely shortest days of the year. We are in the final days of the month where the moon is barely visible. And it specifically right now, in this dark and numb portion of the year that God said it’s divinely ordained that we have Chanukah. Seriously? Right now?

Let’s learn about a Machlokes in the Gemara. We know that our custom is to begin with one candle and add one each night until the climactic eighth night. This is the opinion of Beis Hillel. But Beis Shamai famously disagrees. They are of the opinion that we should begin with eight and remove out each night as to end off the holiday with one final candle.

Why do Beis Hillel maintain their position? Because of a universal concept called Ma’alin BaKodesh V’Ain Moridin – In areas of holiness we always seek to increase and grow as opposed to descend. Based on this principle, it’s only logical to go up each night.

And Beis Shamai? Where are they coming from? The Gemara tells us they want to learn the laws of light Chanukah-candles from “Parei HaChag” which is a reference to the seventy sacrifices brought on Suco; each corresponding to one of the seventy nations of the world. The Gemara in Perek HaChalil explains that with these Korbanos the Goyim have a once-a-year opportunity to receive spiritual cleansing from the Beis HaMikdash. And how are these sacrifices brought? On the first day thirteen offerings are brought. On the second, twelve. And so on and so forth until all seventy Korbanos are offered. Just as Parei HaChag descends, so too Neiros Chanukah.

I understand Beis Hillel. There is a universal concept that applies here just like anywhere else. Ma’alin BaKodesh. Great. But what in the world is Beis Shamai driving at?  Why would I see a comparison between Parei HaChag and Nerios Chanukah? What common denominator links these two events as to allow me to theorize about learning Halachos from on to the other?

Perhaps by analyzing two more Halachos we’ll be able to answer our questions. The Gemara states that it is prohibited to receive any benefit from the light of the candles. This is not merely going on mundane activity like using the light to see my food or count pocket-change. I am disallowed from using the light even for a Dvar-Mitzvah – a holy activity such as learning or checking for Shatnez.

Why? The Ran explains that we learn the Halachos of the Chanukah Menorah from the Menorah in the Beis HaMikdash. Just as the Menorah in the temple was not allowed to be used for anything – including a Dvar Mitzvah. So too, each person’s own Menorah can’t be used for anything – including a Dvar Mitzvah.

Based on this, the Sfas Emes reaches a beautiful conclusion. If the Halachic realities surrounding the Chanukah Menorah in my window draw from the Halachic life of the Menorah in the Beis HaMikdash it must be that their light is one in the same. The light of my private Menorah is a microcosmic representation of the Beis HaMikdash’s light. And this translates into a very dramatic and perspective-shifting insight into the inner-workings of Neiros Chanukah: I can transport the light of the Beis HaMikdash to anywhere that my Menorah is lit. In Tallahassee, Indonesia, The Ivory Coast and the North Pole: If there is a Jew lighting the Menorah, then the Beis HaMikdash is there.

One final concept: The Gemara in a number of places says that “L’Olam Lo Yarda Shechina L’Mata Me’Asarah” The Divine Presence never descends below Ten Tefachim (slightly less than the height of an average table). Ah, but the Halachah states the ideal placement of the Chanukah Menorah is below Ten Tefachim. Why? All of the Sfarim say together that through lighting Chanukah candles in this space I can draw the Divine Presence into a place that it would otherwise not go. “L’Olam Lo Yarda Shechina L’Mata Me’Asarah” – except for during Chanukah.

Amazing. Between these two Halachos we gain a terrific insight into the goal of the Menorah. When we light Chanukah candles we have the ability to draw the Spiritual Aura of the Beis HaMikdash and Shechinah into places that are normally off limits. On Chanukah I can elicit the most profound levels of holiness in the darkest, farthest, most spiritually inactivated corners of the world – and my heart.

Perhaos now the opinion of Beis Shamai in better understood. We explained that the experience of Parei HaChag is the rare moment where the nations of the world receive the purifying effects of the Beis HaMikdash’s holiness. This is exactly what Neiros Chanukah seeks to achieve! The Korbanos of Sucos are the one time that the nations of the world can make there way inside the Beis HaMikdash to achieve purity. This same concept applies but perhaps in an even more accentuated form by Neiros Chanukah. For instead of allowing the nations of the world into the Beis HaMikdash – we bring the light of the Beis HaMikdash to them. The far corners the exile come alive.

And now we can answer our very first question as well. Why is it that Chanukah is placed at the darkest, coldest part of the year? Because we need Chanukah’s unique ability to descend to the lowest places and enliven them so that we can make it back into the light.

Souls chilled by the ‘winter’ that is our exile. Hearts exhausted as if at the end of a long day. The feeble-bodied and tired-minded. Chanukah brings the invigorating light of the Beis HaMikdash to them. L’Mata Me’Asarah. Parei HaChag. The darkest time of year.

The light of the Menorah envelops me in a spiritual reality of stimulation. Kindling them and absorbing their glow affects my soul and imbues it with wellsprings of inspiration that are merely waiting to be tapped into. Treasuries worth of inner-strength and courage come down to awaken the darkest most dormant levels of my being. With the proper mind-state I can walk away from Chanukah with the vesseles necessary to carry through the most difficult times.

We should be Zocheh.

Ashreinu!

VaYeitzei: Dance Like Nobody's Watching

The following ideas have been adapted from the Chasam Sofer in Toras Moshe. Feel free to print this out and read it over Shabbos Kodesh, just please not during Tefilos.

In the beginning of the Parsha the Torah HaKedoshah sets before us a vision that is so majestic, a prophecy that reaches to such mythic proportions that without proper clarification it leaves us on the one hand awed by its beauty but on the other hand confused as to its meaning.

On his journey to leave Eretz Yisrael, Yaakov Avinu takes a detour and spends the night on the Makom HaMikdash – the future site of the Temple. As he rests, God shows him a ladder; rungs that are Mutzav Artza, they are rooted in the ground and they are also Magi’a HaShamaimah, they reach the heavens. The ladder is connecting heaven and earth. He sees spiritual beings ascending and descending the ladder. And the most spectacular of all – the Presence of God Himself is poised at the top.

Yaakov Avinu awakes from his slumber in a state of sheer awe from the experience and he says, “Achein Yeish Hashem BaMakom HaZeh Va’Anochi Lo Yadati” – Yes, there is God in this place. And I? I did not know.

There is a peculiar Midrash in the Tanchumah Yashan that stems from this divine encounter. Let’s read it together carefully and examine some of its depth. Yilamdeinu Rabeinu! Master, teach us! Mah Bein Chalomoseihem Shel Tzadikim L’Chalomoseihem Shel Resha’im? What is the difference between a righteous person’s dreams and those of the wicked? V’Ana Lahem: Tzadikim Chalomoseihem BaShamayim U’Ba’Aretz. He answered that the dreams of the Tzadikim are in the heavens and earth. V’Chalomoseihem Shel Resha’im Ainan BaShamayim U’Ba’Aretz. But the dreams of Resha’im are not in the heavens and the earth. Shene’emar: Va’Yachalom V’Hinei Sulam Mutzav Artza V’Rosho Magi’a HaShamaimah. As we see by Yaakov Avinu’s dream where the ladder was in the heavens and the earth.

Somehow, someway, this Midrash is telling me how to be a Tzadik.

You know, all things in the world have a causality that makes them exist and the results that come about as a result of their existence. The first part is called a Sibah –a cause. A Sibah brings something about. The second part is called a Siman. The way to notice the presence and effects of that ‘something’ is through the Siman that it gives off. The need for mass-production is the Sibah for a factory, and the pollution is the Siman of the factory being there.

Our Midrash has given us a Siman – a way of discerning if a person is good evil by examining the quality of his dreams. Just like you can tell there is a factory by noticing the pollution you can also determine the spiritual nature of a person by the quality of his dreams.

But this Midrash doesn’t give us a Sibah. It doesn’t provide us with a reason. Fine, a Tzadik has one kind of dream and the Rasha has a different kind of dream. The Tzadik’s dreams are in heaven and earth and the dreams of the Rasha are not. But why is this so? What about being a Tzadik makes one’s dreams span heaven and earth? What about being a Rahsa disallows such a possibility? The Midrash gave us a Siman and left us to unravel the Sibah.

For this we need to take a detour and analyze how one could serve Hashem like a Tzadik and one could serve Him like a Rasha.

In the Beis HaMikdash during the holiday of Sucos there was a nightly festivity called the Simchas Beis HaShoeiva. In other essays we’ve discussed why it was so joyous. There was fire juggling and all night dancing. The Tana named Hilel used to say about the party, “Im Ani Kan HaKol Kan! V’Im Ein Ani Kan, Mi Kan?” ‘If I’m here, everyone is here! And if I’m not here – whose here?’ The simple meaning of this statement is that Hilel is calling himself the life of the party. When I show up the party really starts. But when I decide to leave? Shut the music. Turn out the lights. The party ends.

The Haflah turns this statement of Hilel on its head. You see, sometimes there are those who, Chas V’Shalom like to get into Avodas Hashem because it makes them feel secure. In certain circles it’s the ‘in thing’ to be as Frum as you can. The more dramatic they sway and the longer their prayers, the more accessories or books that they amass, the more advanced their studies are, the flashier their Chesed (acts of charity) is the cooler they become. When one falls into such a situation, he is not serving God. Anything but. He’s serving his circle of friends and himself.

But sometimes we don’t care who is watching. We care about one thing and one thing only. What is Ratzon Hashem? We just want to do the right thing. We want to appreciate the world and connect to God with our learning. We want to refine our character and to as much Chesed as we can so that we can save the world. My consciousness spreads far and wide looking for my next opportunity to do something amazing. And it doesn’t matter what people say. If people try to get me down – it doesn’t matter. If it seems that someone else is doing better than me – it also doesn’t matter. I don’t need to compare myself to others. I’m not serving Hashem for anyone else other than Hashem. The whole world, with their chuckling and their raised eyebrows and their snide comments can go bother someone else. This is not about me. I don’t exist. No one exists. This is about HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

The first guy is constantly comparing himself. There is no sense of real security because he always has to second-guess himself. He constantly is looking over his shoulder to check if he needs to Daven a bit more intensely. He is always worried about what his friends will say.  But the second? What does he care about? He’s trying to be close to Hashem. He’s trying to be a Tzadik and he doesn’t notice who’s watching.

This is what Hilel was saying. I came here to dance. Not to show off. Im Ani Kan – If I’m here - if I look at myself as something substantial. If I convince myself that I’m something that I’m not. Then HaKol Kan – Everyone is here. All the pressure is on. Everyone is looking at me. My Avodas Hashem is an outcome of peer pressure. But Im Ein Ani Kan – If I’m not here – If my Avodas Hashem is not about myself, when my Avodas Hashem ceases to be a result of my insecurities then Mi Kan? Who is here to stop me? Who can hold me back? No one. Im Ein Ani Kan, Mi Kan?

Why was Hilel the life of the party? Because he danced like no one was watching.

What’s a dream? Chazal tell us that a dream is your mind revealing to you the common thread between all of your thoughts that day. So Yaakov Avinu’s dream is telling us about the inner workings of his mind. The mind of a Tzadik.

What did Yaakov Avinu say when he awoke from his dream? “Achein Yeish Hashem BaMakom Hazeh - Yes, there is God in this place. Va’Anochi Lo Yadati – And I? I didn’t know.” Yaakov Avinu would have gotten his point across just fine had he simply said V’Lo Yadati – And I didn’t know? What is V’Anochi Lo Yadati? What is the need for the extra word? Va’Anochi Lo Yadati means, ‘And I didn’t know myself.’ V’Anochi Lo Yadati is synonymous with Im Ein Ani Kan. I’m not aware of personal biases in Avodas Hashem. I don’t sense the need to prove myself to anyone. Im Ein Ani Kan – If I’m not here – Mi Kan? Who is here? Once I step outside of my self I can begin to feel God in my life. Because Anochi Lo Yadati – he was able to sense Achein Yeish Hashem BaMakom HaZeh.

Now let’s go back to the Midrash.

Master, teach us! What is the difference between a righteous person’s dreams and those of the wicked? He answered that the dreams of the Tzadikim are in the heavens and earth. But the dreams of Resha’im are not in the heavens and the earth. As we see by Yaakov Avinu’s dream where the ladder was in the heavens and the earth.

Yaakov Avinu succeeded in becoming selfless in his Avodas Hashem. Through V’Anochi Lo Yadati he attained the level Im Ein Ani Kan Mi Kan. His consciousness, his inner desire to seek out spirituality and to attain it surpassed his body and social structure and instead became universal. His mind had God at the forefront as he connected heaven and earth.

But here’s a pretty simple question: If not in heaven, and if not on earth – where is the Rasha’s dreams? He thinks about himself. Im Ani Kan HaKol Kan.

But this is not us. We live in a world where we can be like Yaakov Avinu. No one is watching. Life is a one-on-one with God. Every moment is a private date with the Master of the Universe. I don’t fall prey to the pressures of my surrounding. I do the best I can because that’s the only true representation of my self. I’m not in this for anyone but God.

When my Avodas Hashem stops being about the gratification of my ego or my friends then I can really soar. Once I stop caring about what people will say, when I don’t judge myself based on how the other guy is doing, when I don’t look back, when I dance like no one is watching, when I just try to achieve as much as I can for no other reason other than it’s Ratzon Hashem – then no one can hold me back. Im Ein Ani Kan, Mi Kan?

We should be Zocheh.

Ashreinu!

Vayeira - Laughing stock of History

Sucos: Prophetic Hydration and Self Awareness

The following is based on content from the Sfas Emes, as it was elaborated and elucidated through discussion with Moshe Chayim Eade, Shlit’a. Feel free to print out this essay and enjoy it over Chag, just please not during Tefilos!

As we are taught, all Korbanos (sacrifices) were accompanied with the pouring of a wine libation on the Mizbeach; the altar. On Sucos, the practice of Nisuch HaMayim accompanied the wine.  This means that not only was wine poured; rather wine and water together were brought with the Korban.

The Gemara goes on at great length to describe the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva, the intense festivities that came with Nisuch HaMayim. The holy priests would travel out of the temple and down to the Mei HaShiloach, a spring that brought forth a constant flow of fresh waters from the inner core of subterranean Yerushalayim. The Rishonim explain that this is water directly from the Six Days of Creation. This is vintage. Throwback. This was Mayim Chayim – water that’s Mamesh alive.

This water was brought up to the Beis HaMikdash with grand fanfare. Trumpets and lyres, song and dance set the tone. There was palpable electricity buzzing in the air. The sages, the precious saints of the Yerushalayim of yesteryear would rejoice and juggle torches.

It was truly a sight to behold. As the Gemara tells us, “He who has not seen the rejoicing of the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva has not seen Simcha in his life.” And not only that, but Chazal also say, “Why is it called the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva, the Rejoicing of the House of Drawing’? Because it was from there that they would draw Ruach HaKodesh, Divine Inspiration.” In the same way that water was drawn from the source, so too was Ruach HaKodesh being drawn down from lofty spiritual planes.

These are truly beautiful concepts. But we still fail to understand how or why. What’s so exciting the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva? Why is it the truest kind of joy? And why does the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva create a situation where Ruach HaKodesh can be drawn forth into a person’s heart?

The Sfas Emes explains that the connection between the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva  and the receiving of Ruach HaKodesh is that just like a bucket is the vessel that draws forth and contains water, so too Simcha, true joy is the vessel used to draw forth Divine Inspiration. Thus, in the exceedingly joyous atmosphere of the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva, Ruach HaKodeh becomes a possibility. And this makes a whole lot of sense in light of Chazal’s comment that the Divine Presence, the Shechinah, only rests in a place of Simcha.

He goes on to say that this is the Simcha of the verse in Bereishis, ‘VaYipach B’Apav Nishmas Chayim’ – and God blew into man’s nostrils a Breath of Life. This was the moment where the soul – the breath of God – entered into man and animated him. It is the source; the big-bang so-to-speak of the human experience. 

But we don’t understand what this means. What is the Simcha of VaYipach B’Apav Nishmas Chayim? And how is that Simcha synonymous with the joy of the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva?

Well, to answer this question we need to better understand what is true Simcha. In the most basic sense it is happiness. But that tells us very little. The warmest sense of happiness, the type of happiness that satisfies the deepest place in our psyche is the happiness that stems from the security of self-awareness and self-knowledge. A man who walks into a business meeting with an air of preparedness completely diffuses the otherwise tense situation. He has his plan; he’s cool, calm, collected and organized. This inner security and harmony is the most serene feeling possible.

And what is happening in the verse of VaYipach B’Apav Nishmas Chayim? We are learning that source of human life is a Divine Breath. We are attaining the most basic and essential level of self-awareness. “I’m Mamesh Divine.” We are learning the true essence and nature of our identity. And thus, if the deepest and most satisfying form of happiness emerges from self-discovery, then being able to identify with my inner, divine, true self is the utmost gratification achievable.

Now we know that Simcha comes out of self-awareness. True self-knowledge brings me to realize that my most deeply rooted essence is a Divine Breath which is really an expression of Godliness. It is what the Sfarim call the Chelek Eloka MiMa’al, the Segment of Elevated Godliness. Therefore, my self-awareness is essentially an encounter with HaKadosh Baruch Hu! The real me is coming from, stemming from Him. And after all, what is Ruach HaKodesh? Ruach HaKodesh is the realization and acceptance of a Divine Revelation. Therefore, self-discovery and personal awareness as a manifestation of the Divine is in of itself a form of Ruach HaKodesh.

We are trained to think that Divine Inspiration is way out there. That one needs to meditate on foreign and esoteric concepts in order to attain spirituality and interface with Godliness. But we now see that this is not true.

We now understand that the simple recognition of our intrinsic Godliness creates the true joy of self-awareness and that is a real and attainable form of Ruach HaKodesh.

But what does that have to do with the theme of the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva? Seemingly this relevant all year-round! Why do we need the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva to teach us that the Simcha of self-awareness is Ruach HaKodesh?

Let’s Mamesh go into the heart of our emotions…

What is disappointment? Disappointment is the difference between my original expectations and the current reality. The greater the gap, the deeper the disappointment.

As we said, the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva celebrates the Nisuch HaMayim. And what is so exciting? It’s the resolution of disappointment. Why? In the beginning of Creation, even before there was light there was water. V’Ruach Elokim Mirachefes El Pnei HaMayim – ‘And the Spirit of Hashem was hovering upon the waters’. All the water was close to Hashem. But then, on the second day God split the waters. He made the Mayim Elyonim and the Mayim Tachtonim – the Upper Waters and the Lower Waters. This is the greatest form of disappointment. The Mayim Tachtonim, the Lower Waters thought, ‘We used to be all the way up there, and now we’re all the way down. Their given reality couldn’t have been farther from the original expectation.

But the Nisuch HaMayim and the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva that highlights it are together the processes that reunite the Mayim Elyonim with the Mayim Tachtonim. It’s the ultimate resolution of the water’s existential disappointment. We put the water on the Altar and raise it up to the level of  where it originally was. In a sense, the water once again gets to feel like its truest self. It goes back to it’s original state of being. Our Simcha of V’Yipach B’Apav Nishmas Chayim, our joy or becoming fully ourselves is one in the same the water’s returning to the status of V’Ruach Elokim Mirachefes Al Pnei HaMayim. The Jews and the water celebrate together.

How do we see this in the Torah? It emerges by the Akeida, the dramatic moment in the Torah where Avraham Avinu sends forth his hand to slaughter his only son as a sacrifice. Avraham is called out to from above, Avraham! Avraham! Don’t do it! Spare your son! You’ve already passed the test.

Why is Avraham’s name repeated when he is called? The Sfarim explain that in Shamayim there is portrait of me. This portrait dictates what I would look like if everything went right. What my life would be if I totally fulfilled my potential. This is the ‘me’ upstairs. Then there is me down here, the way that I match up. The difference between me down here and me up there is the root of spiritual disappointment.

Avraham’s name was repeated – Avraham! Avraham! – in order to let him know that the Avraham down here was identical to the idealistic portrait of Avraham up there. Through his tests, through his effort and growth he reached an internal wholeness and a total unification of self.

This complete inner dynamic proves to us (based on our definition of Joy) that Avraham Avinu was in total Simcha because of the Akeida. Because, as we stated above, the Divine Pressence and thus Ruach HaKodesh only appear in a place of Simcha, and had Avraham not had been in a place of joy he would have not heard the Heavens cry out ‘Avraham! Avraham!’ in the first place!

The Simcha of the lower Avraham matching the supernal Avraham draws from the same place as the Simcha of the Mayim Tachtonim finally reunifying with the Mayim Elyonim. But how is this my Simcha as well?

By putting together everything thaw we said, we can fully understand why Simcha is the vessel of Ruach HaKodesh, and why it is specifically the Simchas Beis HaSho’eiva that highlights this element:

After Yom Kipur, I’m pure again. The slate is clean. All the things that created the gap between the me that I’m supposed to be and the me that I really am are now gone. I’m fully myself. There is nothing that separates me from my personal V’Yipach B’Apav Nishmas Chayim. That’s the highest form of Simcha. I’m me. I’m back. ‘Me’ – in the truest sense of the word – is emerging once again. I once more sense my Chelek Eloka MiMa’al, my Godly spark. Tapping into this awareness is the inner tranquility of true Simcha and it itself is Ruach HaKodesh.

HaKadosh Baruch Hu should give us a Bracha to be able to really sense this. To be able to feel the joy pumping in my veins. To attain the realization that my truest self is Divine. To accept the Ruach HaKodeh that comes from fully knowing who I am. If we can take advantage of the moments that carry with them this exalted mindstate there is no doubt that we will live lives of true, deep Simcha, moving closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and ultimately bring the Geulah Sheleima!

Yom Kipur: Face to Face

The following is based on a conversation with HaRav Moshe Shapira Shlit’a. Please feel free to print this out and read it over Yom Kipur.

After forty days of preparation, after experiencing the fresh feelings of Elul, the anticipation as we moved towards and awe we felt on Rosh HaShanah, after praying and fasting and working on ourselves during Aseres Yimei Teshuva we’ve finally made it. We have arrived at Yom Kipur. A day that is called the Tachlis HaTeshuvah – the Apex of Returning. A moment on the calendar whose very essence is suffused with a force that returns all souls to the Divine.

The Passuk says, “Ki BaYom HaZeh YiChaper Aleichem L’Taher Eschem MiKol Chatoseichem” – For on this day He shall bring atonement upon you, to purify you of all of your sins. The Rambam (and this is found in earlier sources as well) learns from this verse that there is something intrinsic about this day that atones. There is an energy that is hardwired into this date - the tenth of Tishrei - that washes away sins. As he says himself, “V’Atzmo Shel Yom HaKipurim Michaper” – The essence of the day generates forgiveness.

This would be simple enough, but neither the Passuk, nor the Rambam stop there. “Ki BaYom HaZeh YiChaper Aleichem L’Taher Eschem MiKol Chatoseichem.” We already said what this means, but the Passuk throws in three last words: ‘Lifnei Hashem Tit’haru’, ‘In front Hashem shall you be purified.’ What is this addition? We were just told that there is an energy infused into the day, what is added by Lifnei Hashem Tit’haru?

Furthermore, the Rambam doesn’t simply say that V’Atzmo Shel Yom HaKipurim Michaper. It’s true that the day purifies, but it only does so LaShavim – to those who are doing Teshuvah. Once you are already in the zone, only then can Yom Kipur cleanse the soul. So what is it? Is it the day, or is it me?

Another question: Since the beginning of Chodesh Elul we end our Davening with L’David Hashem Ori V’Yishi. King David says that God is his light and salvation. Subsequently we realize that God is our light and salvation. Elul and Tishrei are a time of repentance and judgment. We’d then expect to add verses that deal with repentance to our prayers. But the problem is that ‘L’David’ seemingly makes no mention of Teshuvah. It speaks solely of Emunah and Bitachon – faith and trust in Hashem. “Hashem is my strength, whom shall I dread?” “Though a war will rise up against me, it is in Him that I shall trust.” “On a day of evil He shall protect me in His sanctum.” My fear and enemies would have consumed me, Lulei He’Emanti L’Ros B’Tuv Hashem, had I not believed that I would see the goodness of God.

Not one word about Teshuvah! What’s going on? If we are going to add Tehilim to our prayers, at least let’s make is appropriate! Let’s make it fit the season!

A third question. The Rambam, when detailing how to do Teshuva gives a Girsa, a base-text that serves as a model. This styling includes all the necessary components for a valid Teshuvah. Chatasi, Avisi, U’Pashati Lifanecha V’Asisi Kach V’Kach. God, I sinned on all sorts of levels; on purpose, by accident, due to a lack of self-education. I did x, y and z. I’m not happy about it. I wish I didn’t do it. I’m not going to do it again.

Our rough translation left out one word. Chatasi Avisi U’Pashati Lifanecha – I sinned an all sorts of levels in front of you. This is an odd addition. It’s seemingly not needed. The line would make perfect sense without it. And if that’s the case, then why include it? And in the non-obligatory additional paragraph in Shmona Esrei, we include this ‘Lifanecha’ – what does it add? Why does my Teshuvah need to include Lifanecha?

Furthermore, in the blessing in Shmona Esrei that is supposed to inspire is to do Teshuvah, we say V’Hachazireinu B’Teshuvah Sheleima L’Fanecha, Baruch Atah Hashem HaRotzeh B’Teshuvah. …And return us in a full repentance before You. Blessed are you Hashem who desires Teshuvah. Once again, the line would make perfect sense without the added ‘Lifanecha’. What is it coming to do?

And if we want to know what’s really going on with Lifanecha then we need a more exact translation of what the word means. While it is used as ‘In front of You’ or ‘Before You’, it literally means ‘Towards Your Face.’ Plugging this definition into everything that we asked, what is this obsession with God’s face as it relates to Teshuvah?

The Kotzker Rebbe once said that every sin carries with it a semblance of heresy and idol-worship. Why is this so? Because the only way that I could cognizantly reject the Divine Will would be if I didn’t believe in Reward and Punishment or if I conveniently forgot about the omnipresence of Hashem. Either way; doing a sin requires some form of denying the existence of God, because if I really believed that He was Mamesh there, if I knew that He was right next to me then of course I wouldn’t do it. Shivisi Hashem L’Negdi Tamid.

Based on this, the underlying power of Teshuvah would need to be a return to the awareness that God is an all-encompassing reality. He totally surrounds me. He is with me and watches me every second. He is standing right next to me and pumping me with life even in the moment that I go against His Will! Once we understand that a sin stems from ignoring God, we learn that rectifying that misgiving is not simply not doing it again, it’s not just fixing the bad trait, rather the essence of Teshuvah is primarily based on bringing HaKadosh Baruch Hu back into my life and staring Him face to Face.

Teshuvah doesn’t just mean admitting that I did something wrong. It’s not just saying Chatasi, Avisi U’Pashati. It’s not just fixing the problem by requesting V’HaChazireinu B’Teshuvah Sheleimah. That’s nice, but that’s not Teshuvah. Teshuvah is Chatasi, Avisi U’Pashati Lifanecha. It’s V’HaChazireinu B’Teshuvah Sheleimah Lifanecha! It’s only Teshuvah if it’s based on a return to an awareness of the Divine.

The Kedushah and Taharah attained via Teshuvah comes as a result of an encounter. It manifests itself on the heels of a connection. The realization of God as a real and meaningful part of my life opens up avenues of connection that were previously closed.

Now we understand why L’David is the perfect passage of Tehilim to add to our prayers. In order to fully tap in to a window in time that presents itself as an opportunity for Teshuvah we need a constant reminder of what Teshuvah is really all about. No series of verses says it better. Passuk after Passuk drive home the message: Hashem is real. He surrounds me and fills my life. When I’m with Him, it’ll all be okay. As the Passuk in ‘L’David’ says, ‘Es Panecha Avakesh’ - ‘I seek your Face.’ I seek to have that intimate connection with you. From the other side of the street you can still feel a connection with a person with whom you make eye-contact. Es Panecha Avakesh, a longing to attain a life infused with Shivisi Hashem L’Negdi Tamid is the basis of all Teshuvah.

Thus the Rambam makes perfect sense as well. There is a waterfall of Taharah coming into the world on the day of Yom Kipur. But if you are not amongst the Shavim, if you don’t turn around and get under the water then it can’t cleanse you.

A Parable: In the room in which I’m currently sitting there is Chinese folk music blaring. Why can’t I hear it? The radiowaves are there, I’m just not tuned into the proper station. So too on Yom Kipur. On this day an energy fills the world. The station to tune in to is called ‘Lifanecha’.

Lastly, the Pasuk that we started with now dances with clarity: “Ki BaYom HaZeh YiChaper Aleichem L’Taher Eschem MiKol Chatoseichem.” For on this day He shall bring atonement upon you, to purify you of all of your sins. ‘Lifnei Hashem Tit’haru’ In front Hashem shall you be purified. Or, perhaps more accurately, ‘Towards Hashem’s Face shall you be purified.’ Because if it’s not Lifnei Hashem then it can’t be Tit’haru.

This is Mamesh such a big job. This is an Avodas HaChayim, this is a job that will take us our whole lives. Time and time again we may catch ourselves and see how we’ve been caught off guard. This is the bottom line – what it all comes down to. Es Panecha Avakesh. Ah! Face-to-face with the Creator. This is Yom Kipur. Lifnei Hashem Tit’haru.

HaKadosh Baruch Hu should give us a Bracha that we should be able to tap into our inner wellsprings of motivation and inspiration. We should associate with the place within ourselves that is crying out – ES PANECHA AVAKESH! Auch a mindset, if we can be meritorious enough to carry it into the year, will no doubt bring us to a life of Simcha and Sheleimus, moving closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and ultimately the Geulah Sheleimah!

Rosh HaShanah/Nitzavim: Do or Die

The following is based in part on concepts from Rav Dessler, Rav Nebenzal and the Stutchiner Rebbe. Feel free to print this out and read it over Shabbos Kodesh – just please not during Tefilos!

As we have been taught, there is a famous concept called ‘HaKriya Me’oreres Es HaZman’ – the concepts that flow from the weekly Parsha are always interfacing with and relating to the events on the Jewish calendar. ‘The Scripture is inspiring the Season.’ This being said, we need to search for how it is that Parshas Nitzavim is preparing us for the awe-inspiring day of Rosh HaShanah which arrives in all of its glory this upcoming week.

We need not look very far. Chazal revealed to us that the powerful content of this week’s Parsha was delivered by Moshe Rabeinu on Rosh HaShanah. Let’s examine some of this relationship.

The Passuk says, “Re’eh; Nasati Lifanecha HaYom Es HaChayim V’Es HaTov V’Es HaMaved V’Es HaRa.” ‘See – I a have placed before you today the life and the good and the death and the evil.’ This famous exhortation culminates with the even more famed punchline: “U’Bachartem BaChayim” – ‘And you will choose life.’ We would typically assume that the following ultimatum has been laid down. On the one hand there is good and life, on the other side lays evil and death: You know what to do.

While this level of understanding is undoubtedly true, perhaps we can suggest a slightly shifted perspective on “Re’eh; Nasati Lifanecha HaYom Es HaChayim V’Es HaTov V’Es HaMaved V’Es HaRa.” And in order to this we need to travel back to Gan Eden.

Hashem commanded Adam HaRishon to eat of all the trees but to refrain from the Eitz HaDa’as Tov V’Ra. Chazal explain that these were Adam HaRishon’s only two Mitzvos: Don’t eat from this tree. Do eat from all of the others. While it is true that each Tree in Garden served a unique role, the Tree that diametrically opposed the Eitz HaDa’as Tov V’Ra was the Eitz HaChayim – The Tree of Life. We know this to be true because the verses describe both of them as being centrally located in the middle of the Garden surrounded by all the others.

Okay, so God said not to eat from the Eitz HaDa’as Tov Ra. But we need to ask ourselves an important question: What’s so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil? Wouldn’t it be great if we always knew the difference between right and wrong? Adaraba! Let’s say just the opposite! It should have been a Mitzvah to eat from the Eitz HaDa’as! The existential clarity that Adam HaRishon should have attained would logically be encouraged – not turned into a history-shattering offense! And yet, it was. So what happened?

These two trees, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge, each offered a possible shift in Adam HaRishon’s grasp of reality, and more importantly, Adam HaRishon’s relationship to Ratzon Hashem (the Divine Will).

The Eitz HaDa’as would turn right and wrong into theoretical concepts of Good and Evil; concepts which are up to debate. The Eitz HaDa’as Tov V’Ra gives a person the ability to ascertain and determine what is Good and what is Evil. Once this becomes an option, once Ratzon Hashem become a philosophical conversation that remains outside of a person, the possibility for biases to come and cloud judgment becomes a reality. Two people can look at the same situation and one will see good while the other will see evil. This in of itself is the most massive desecration of God’s name that is possible. God is God. His desires should not be up for debate. But once Adam HaRishon has his worldview altered by the Eitz HaDa’as Tov V’Ra this became the reality. ‘A sin can be Ra, it can be bad - but give me a break on this one – it’s convenient.’

If the Eitz HaD’as turns Ratzon Hashem into matters of good and evil, then the Eitz HaChayim would have brought Adam HaRishon to a place where all spirituality would be seen as a matter of life and death. Just as a person cannot hold his breath until he passes out, so to sin would be seen as a non-option. Just as one is incapable of voluntarily stopping his heart from pumping; so too separation from the Divine would have been seen as an impossibility.

Adam HaRishon lowered the bar dramatically. How do we perceive what is right versus what is wrong? How do we relate to what is true versus what is false? This is what was up for grabs when Adam HaRishon was presented with the two Trees. Every bias, every skewed judgment, every single philosophical error comes from this history-shifting moment.

Rectification would logically require bringing the global consciousness to the level of Life and Death as opposed to that of Good and Evil. And this was the goal of receiving the Torah at Sinai. Let’s explain.

Once Adam HaRishon was kicked out of Gan Eden he realized what we just mentioned. He understood that connecting to the Tree of Life would fix his damaged perception that resulted from the Tree of Knowledge. He saw what the verse calls the Derech Eitz HaChayim – the way back to the Tree of Life. But God said, ‘Not so fast.’ And he blocked off that path with Angels armed with fiery swords.

Reb Tzadok HaKohen teaches us that the most natural and intrinsic understanding of any given word is based on its first expression in the Torah. Derech Eitz HaChayim is the first appearance of the word Derech - Path. This teaches us that a true Path is one that returns us to the Eitz HaChayim.

When the Jews were on their way to Har Sinai they were attacked by Amalek. The Passuk describes this as, “Asher Karcha BaDerech” – They came upon you on the Derech – on the way. Now we understand the tremendous depth: the path to Har Sinai was itself the Derech Eitz HaChayim! If the way to the Har Sinai was the Derech, then how do I know that the Torah is Eitz HaChayim? Well, how often do we sing the sweet melody as the Torah returns to the Aron Kodesh… Eitz Chayim Hi LaMachazikim Ba… It is a Tree of Life for those who grab hold of it*. The National Pressence at Sinai was an opportunity to culminate the journey of the Derech Eitz HaChayim. We could have fixed it all, but because of the Golden Calf we didn’t.

But there is no need to despair – we can still get the job done. Let’s figure out how.

Rosh HaShanah is the day of Malchus. On Rosh HaShanah we declare that Hashem Hu HaMelech – He’s the King. What are we really accomplishing with this declaration?

The sin of the Eitz HaDa’as occurred on Rosh HaShanah. Therefore, on this day, more than any other we are coming to fix that problem at its source. We know that Jewish law dictates that when it comes to king flesh and blood, every decree carries with it the death penalty. Every statute is a matter of life and death. When we see the king right before our eyes there is no room for discussion. Not adhering is not an option. Chazal tell us that our fear of the King in Heaven should be as real as our fear of a king who walks the earth. Thus, on Rosh HaShanah, when re-enforce that He is the King, things switch from the Eitz HaDa’as perspective and move to the Eitz HaChayim outlook – it’s no longer up for discussion. Ratzon Hashem is do or die.

Perhaps we can suggest that this is what Moshe Rabeinu is saying to the Jews: “Re’eh; Nasati Lifanecha HaYom Es HaChayim V’Es HaTov V’Es HaMaved V’Es HaRa.” ‘See – I a have placed before you today the life and the good and the death and the evil.’ Until now we saw it as Good and Life verses Evil and Death. But maybe it could be that Moshe is preparing Am Yisrael for the choice that needs to be made on Rosh HaShanah. Do you see the world as Tov and Ra, or do you see it as Chayim and Maves?

Re’eh; Nasati Lifanecha HaYom Es HaChayim V’Es HaTov – The Life and the Good. What does this mean? When a Mitzvah comes my way how do I look at it? Is it something good to do? Is it an optional bonus? Or is it Chayim - the air that I need to live.

V’Es HaMaved V’Es HaRa. And when a spiritual-pitfall present itself, what is my attitude? Is it bad? Well, bad can be overpowered by convenience or lust. But what if it’s deadly poison?

When the King makes the decree then the choice it obvious. It’s either deadly poison or breathing fresh, invigorating air. Rosh HaShanah is about reminding ourselves about the King. That realization pulls us back onto the Derech Eitz HaChayim.

How sweet it is, how enlightened is a life that is totally suffused and immersed with Ratzon Hashem. How lofty is the person who knows that every Mitzvah is Mamesh an elixir. How blessed is he in feeling that his relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu is as real and crucial to him as the blood that pumps from his heart.

Gevalt. Rosh HaShanah offers me the opportunity to get on the Derech Eitz HaChayim. When I pound home the message that Ki Anu Avdecha V’Atah Adoneinu I begin to align the universe. When I sing with my whole heart and soul Ki Anu Amecha V’Atah Malkeinu – you’re the King. Sometimes I forget, but not now. Now I see as clearly as the sun shines bright that Hashem Hu HaMelech. And with that dazzlingly vivid perception I go back into Gan Eden and I start to make things right again.

HaKadosh Baruch Hu should give us a Bracha to access the immense energies and opportunities that are presenting themselves in this exalted moment in time. If we can then there is no doubt that we will live lives of Simcha and Shleimus – lives where we are truly living – moving closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and ultimately the Geulah Sheleimah!

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* For more on how Har Sinai was supposed to shift our perspective to the way we are understanding the Eitz HaChayim, see the content that we learned for Parshas Shoftim of this year.

Elul/Ki Seitzei: Behind Enemy Lines

The following concepts have been adapted from the Sfas Emes and Rav Moshe Wolfson. Feel free to print this out and read it over Shabbos, just please not during Tefilos!

We’ve been taught through the generations that there is an intrinsic connection between the Torah readings (Parshios) and the Holidays/goings on of the calendar (Moadim). This relationship is called ‘HaKriya Meoreres Es HaZman’ - The Scripture is enlivening the Season. The themes relevant to current events are always emerging from the Parshios that parallel them.

As we find ourselves in the month of Elul, moving full speed towards Rosh HaShana, we read this week’s Parsha of Ki Seitzei. Our job at this point is twofold: First, we need to show some of the beauty and depth that emerges from the connection between Elul and Ki Seitzei and once that dynamic has been detailed we need to bring it home and transform the concepts into every-day realizations. Let’s explore.

Chazal revealed that the twelve months of the year parallel the Twelve Tribes of Israel – the Shvatim. The Shvatim were arranged into a camping formation during their wandering in the wilderness which later served as the reference point for how they matched up with the months. Based on this alignment, the Shevet that corresponds to this month is the Tribe of Gad. In order to get greater clarity on Elul, we need to delve into the essence of Gad.

At the end of his life, when Yaakov Avinu was blessing the Shvatim, he was also giving them definitions. He was stating their historical essence. To Gad he said, Gad Gadud Yigudenu – Gad shall be a raiding troop. Yaakov Avinu was foretelling Gad’s role as a provider of fierce warriors. This further manifests itself on Gad’s tribal banner which displays an army unit. At the very end of the Torah, where Moshe Rabbeinu blesses the tribes, Gad is once again described with savage imagery, “He is like a lion, he rips off the heads and arms of his prey.” In short: don’t mess with Gad, when he’s on the scene it’s time for war. Moreover, on the Choshen, the priestly, gem-studded breastplate, a stone represented each tribe. Based on the Kabalistic tradition, each gem serves as a conductor and a channel of a specific energy.  Gad’s gem was the Achlama (commonly known as the amethyst) which served as a vessel for courage and strength – fitting for their skill in warfare.

But then how is Elul like going to war?

On the most basic level, we are initiating our Milchemes HaYetzer (our battle against the evil-inclination) with newfound intensity. As we march towards Rosh HaShana and Yom Kipur, the days where we come face to face with our deeds of this year, we move forward with inspiration to tackle those destructive forces that seek to hold us back and keep us down. In Elul we storm the enemy known as the Yetzer Hara. And for that we need to channel the energies of Shevet Gad.

In the Torah, Rosh HaShana is called Yom Tru’a – the Day of (Shofar) Blowing. We prepare ourselves for this by blowing the Shofar everyday since the beginning of the month. This spurns the comment of the Zohar that Rosh HaShana and the days preceding it are days of war. How are the days connected to Yom Tru’a days of war? Because the Torah tells us that when war comes, “VaHaRei’oschem” – ‘And you will sound off the horns.’ VaHaRei’oschem comes from the word Tru’a, as in Yom Tru’a, Rosh HaShana. When we go to war we take out the blow-horn. Elul. Tru’a. Shevet Gad. We are going to war.

And this manifests right in the beginning of the Parsha. HaKadosh Baruch Hu tells the Jews not to fear in battle for behold, Hashem is going with you into war, L’HaTzilcha, U’Laseis Oivecha MiPanecha – To save you and to take away your enemies from before you. The first letters of each of the four words L’HaTzilcha, U’Laseis Oivecha L’fanecha (Lamed, Vav, Alef and Lamed) together form the acronym for the word Elul.

So let’s explain what the war of Elul has to do with the war of Ki Seitzei.

When discussing war, the Torah details the laws of the Eishes Yefas Toar (literally: the woman of beautiful form). The Torah explains that when in battle, if a warrior saw a beautiful woman, under the correct circumstances he could take her as a wife.

To our shallow minds this sound quite licentious. In the intensity of violence and rage, the barbaric Jewish foot soldier snatches up a refugee in a moment of lust.

This cannot possibly be. We are talking about the Jews who had Moshe Rabbeinu as their leader. Jews in the time of conquering the Land of Israel, in the time of David and the Beis HaMikdash. The Torah goes out of its way to tell us the tremendous piety of the soldiers fighting on behalf of the Jews. The fuel that pushed these men was completely divine. We don’t have the proper perspective to categorize them. So it can’t be that we are dealing with petty covetousness.

Says the Ohr HaChayim, the Eishes Yefas Toar wasn’t necessarily beautiful in physical form; rather she was beautiful in spirit. The holy Jewish soldier, pumped up on divine energy was sensitive enough to be able to see that this person possessed a unique soul not at all connected to the nation that he was currently warring against. This person doesn’t belong with them, this person belongs with us, it’s just that right now she’s trapped and it’s our job to take her back. The whole concept of Eishes Yefas Toar is so much deeper than we thought. This is not about releasing pent up desires, rather it’s about rescuing captured souls.

This happens to us over the course of the year. I departed from Rosh HaShana last year inspired. I had great expectations for the upcoming months. But slowly my hopes may have become disappointments. Maybe disappointments turned into failures. The little things piled up and I can barely recognize myself. When I look in the mirror the face is the same, but the person that it represents isn’t. My soul has become trapped in a life that it doesn’t really belong to. What am I going to do?

Hashem says that if we make ourselves open to the relationship, He’ll bring us back. How do we do this? First we notice that we may not be holding in the place that we need to be and then we yearn to make it right. We spend just a little but of time meditating on how great it would be if we could be maximally close to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. We say a little bit of Slichos. We invoke the thirteen Attributes of Mercy, the Yud Gimel Midos Shel Rachamim. We come to the realization that He wants us to come to Him even more than we do. We open ourselves up to the relationship and He makes it happen.

This is Elul. The word Elul serves an acrostic for ‘Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li’ – ‘I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me.’ This means that inasmuch as I become dedicated to my Beloved (Hashem), in as much as I make myself a receptacle for him, he’ll come and pull me out.

Like we just mentioned. Soon, when we start saying Slichos (If you are Sefardi then you’ve probably already started) you’ll notice that all the paragraphs and poems all come back to the bottom line where we call out the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy – the Yud Gimel Midos Shel Rachamim. The Kabalistic tradition explains that these Divine Traits emanate from a facet of reality that cannot be sullied with transgression. We declare the Yud Gimel Midos Shel Rachamim as expression of our cognizance that if Hashem so chooses, He can overpower any impurity that has come between Him and us. When we invoke that, when we declare that realization, a wave of purity fills the world that breaks down those barriers.

It is by making ourselves aware of the entrance of the Yud Gimel Midos Shel Rachamim’s healing energy that we can be pulled back into the side of holiness. And for this reason, the Gematria, the numerical value of the words Yud Gimel Midos Shel Rachamim (1091) parallels that of Yefas Toar (also 1091). The two concepts are one in the same. For just as the holy Jewish warrior sees a soul that need to be taken back, so too, in the month Elul, the month of Gad, Hashem comes and pulls us back as well.

This is not a call to action. The point of reading this essay is not that I’ll walk away and force myself to change all my habits. This essay is a request to tap into an awareness. When I know and remind myself that God wants me then it will instinctively awaken every aspect of my life. Connecting to my inborn yearning to be attached to something Bigger than myself is all the fuel necessary. When I sit and prepare before Davening for a minute then the whole Tefilah is changed. The deeper that I engrain the understanding that I want Him and that He wants me the more vitality I become enlivened by. I’ve Mamesh never felt like this before…

HaKadosh Baruch Hu should bless us to have open minds and hearts. He should awaken our senses to be in touch with the rhythm of His universe so that we won’t miss out on an opportunity like this. When we pull ourselves to a greater level of perception, when tap into our inborn desire for holiness and the knowledge that He’s longing for us, the entire of our life will change. If we can do this we will surely live lives of Simcha and Shleimus moving closer to the Creator and ultimately the Geulah Sheleimah!