Shoftim/Elul - Staying Calm when Life isn't

The following has been adapted from the Sefer Ohr G’Deliyahu and Rav Kook in Ein Aya. Feel free to print this out and read it over Shabbos Kodesh just please not during Tefilos!

As we have been taught, there is a famous concept called ‘HaKriya Me’oreres Es HaZman’ – the concepts that flow from the weekly Parsha are always interfacing with and relating to the events on the Jewish calendar. ‘The Scripture is inspiring the Season.’ As Parshas Shoftim is the first Torah Portion read after Rosh Chodesh Elul (the first day of the month) we must keep our eyes open for the theme that connects them.

The beginning of this week’s Parsha deals with the concepts of Jewish law-enforcement. Shoftim V’Shotrim Titen L’cha B’chol She’arecha – Place for yourselves Judges and officers at all of your gates.

We know that the Torah is Divine and therefore it is exact. Each letter is filled with godliness, and because of this each one needs to be analyzed with intense scrutiny. There is no fluff, no need for repeats or padding. If this is true then what does the Torah HaKedosha specifying in its split of Shoftim and Shotrim – Judges and Officers? What differing roles do they play?

Rashi on the verse gives us the answer. Shoftim, the Judges, are there to make decisions. They discover the truth in Halachically-sticky situations. Hopefully those involved in the cases will adhere to their rulings. It’s when the constituents don’t listen that the need for Shotrim, Officers, arises. These Officers are really enforcers. When a Jew chooses not to listen to the Torah and its rules the Shotrim step in to forcibly persuade them back into doing the right thing.

That’s very nice. But the Torah was given to be relevant and applicable in every person in every culture in every generation. So what do I learn about my life when I learn about ancient law-enforcement?

The Sh’lah HaKadosh explains that the concepts in this verse could not be more relevant. Shoftim V’Shotrim Titen L’cha B’chol She’arecha – Judges and Enforcers shall you place in all of your gates. These gates are the human senses. How do I know this to be true? Well, what is a gate of a city? The city gates are the place where products, culture, information and everything else comes in and out of the city. The gate of the city is the place where the city interacts with the rest of the world. Based on this my eyes are gates. My nose, ears, mouth skin – they are all gates. Information comes in and out through there. Taste, sight, sound and the like are all tantamount to that which passes through the entry to a city.

Shoftim V’Shotrim Titen L’cha B’chol She’arecha is telling us that just as city gates need Judges and Officers, so too the ‘gates’ of the human experience, my relationship to the world around me need Judges and Officers just the same.

In my personal life, my intellectual faculties serve as my Judges. I use logic and reasoning to determine right from wrong; what to do and what to refrain from. Under ideal circumstances I can succeed in Avodas Hashem simply by making and intellectual decision to do so.

But sometimes the situations I find myself in deprive me of my normative logical properties. Sometimes I’m simply not ‘feeling it’. I’m burnt out. I’m having a bad day. My brain is already turned off. How am I supposed to accomplish in Avodas Hashem now? In these situations, how do I overcome the tests that HaKadosh Baruch Hu throws my way? The answer is Shotrim - Officers. We force ourselves. Hashem has commanded us not only to serve him with logic, but also to have a back up, a storehouse of energy that we can use to pull through when we are simply overwhelmed by exterior or internal circumstances.

But from where do the Jewish People derive this ‘auto-pilot’-like strength? If we can pinpoint the moment where Hashem gave us that inner wellspring of inspiration then when an immensely difficult situation attempts to overpower us we can draw vigor from there and emerge victorious even in the most difficult situations.

At Ma’amad Har Sinai, the Jews accepted the Torah with full hearts and open arms. They lovingly declared Na’aseh V’Nishma – We will do and we will listen! We are totally yours! We want this and we want You.

But Chazal reveal to us that the story didn’t end there. Right after the dramatic moments of Na’aseh V’Nishma, God lifted Mount Sinai off of the ground, held it over the heads – Har K’Gigis - of the Jewish people and laid down an ultimatum: ‘If you accept the Torah, great. If not, I’ll bury you right here.’ What’s going on here?

Rav Dessler taught us that free will doesn’t always extend to every option that I am offered. I only have free will when the options are reasonably close to one another. For example: ‘Chocolate or Vanilla’ is a choice. ‘Chocolate or Cyanide’ is not. If a father were to tell his son ‘Go to school or I’ll break your nose!’ it wouldn’t be much of a choice. In fact, by giving him these two options the son’s free will has actually been taken away! He’s being forced to go to school. Based on this, when HaKadosh Baruch Hu said ‘If you accept the Torah, great. If not, I’ll bury you right here’ He wasn’t giving us a choice, He was really removing our ability to choose. But why?

The answer begins with an important spiritual understanding of the human psyche. The fact that I am alive expresses itself in the universe on two levels: There is the exterior stage of my personality that is revealed by the choices that I make. My reactions, the clothing that I wear, my mannerisms are all reflections of my choices. This is me as I manifest in Choice. But then there is a level that is yet deeper: The very fact that I am alive. The fact that I exist takes on an expression of its own. I take up a space in the universe. My soul is unique. This is me as I manifest as a living being.

The fact that we accepted the Torah on the level of Na’aseh V’Nishma is very good. We made a choice. We decided that we wanted to be on the side of Avodas Hashem. While that’s nice, it’s still only the exterior level of my being. When God threatens my life over the Torah’s acceptance I receive the Torah not on the level of choice but rather on the level of being. The very fact that I exist was put on the line in the name of Kabalas HaTorah. And the fact that I accepted it under such circumstances means that it is no longer just tied to how I choose to live, rather it is a part of my life intrinsically.

This is Shoftim and Shotrim. The Shofeit – the Judge – he makes decisions and if all goes well he is listened to. This is the level of Na’aseh V’Nishma. It’s the beautiful feeling of lovingly serving God because I want to. But there is the even deeper level of the Shoteir – the Enforcer. This is the level of Har K’Gigis. The Torah is not just something that I choose to incorporate into my life – it is my life itself. It as intrinsic to my being as the fact that I am alive. And just like I can’t force myself to stop breathing, so too with the proper awareness I’ll always manage to pull myself back to the Torah.

We know that through the sin of the Golden Calf we lost that which we accomplished when we stood at Sinai the first time. But Chazal explain that it is on Rosh Chodesh Elul that Moshe Rabeinu ascended Mount Sinai for the second time to receive the second set of Tablets. The depth of this is that Rosh Chodesh Elul marks the beginning of our journey back to that original level.

As we begin the month of Elul, we say the chapter of Tehilim entitled L’David Hashem Ori V’Yishi – David HaMelech declares that God is his Light and Salvation. In this chapter is the famous verse: Shivti B’Veis Hashem Kol Yimei Chayai, LaChazos B’Noam Hashem U’L’Vaker B’Heichalo! – Let me sit in the House of Hashem all the days of my life, to perceive the Sweetness of Hashem and visit in His Chambers!

What is David HaMelech saying here? Let me sit in Hashem’s house all the days of my life. He wants to be there all the time. But then he says, ‘To perceive the Sweetness of Hashem and visit in His Chambers.’ Wait – does he want the equilibrium and continuity of being there all the time or does he want the exhilarating charm of the occasional visit? He seems to be implying both!

The answer is both. Of course David HaMelech wants to feel the rush that comes with embracing God. He years to have that feeling all the time. But he knows that he won’t. And even so he wants to cleave to God with all of his might even when it’s not so easy. Shivti B’Veis Hashem Kol Yimei Chayai – Let me be there no matter what. Let me realize that the my relationship to you is as constant as my heartbeat. Bless me with the level of Shoteir. LaChazos B’Noam Hashem U’L’Vaker B’eihalo – but on that platform indulge me in loving every second of it. Let it sweet. Let is be like Na’aseh V’Nishma. I don’t just want it to be right, I want it to feel right as well.

There are times when Avodas Hashem feels amazing. There are times where I truly love it. But there are times where I need to remember that I need to push through and carry on because this is who I am. My relationship with Hashem is more ‘Me’ then my choices of clothing or friends. It’s more true to who I am then the music I listen to or the books that I read. In the same way that blood pumps through my veins and air flows from my lungs I am connected to Hashem. The more we remember that the easier it becomes to live by.

As Parshas Shoftim and Chodesh Elul meet, may HaKadosh Baruch Hu bless us with both levels needed to fully relate to Him. He should infuse us with the inner strength to always pull through and he should bless us with the delight of enjoying every moment of Avodas Hashem. If we can bring ourselves to live with this consciousness there is no doubt that we live live lives full of Simcha and Shleimus moving closer to the Creator and ultimately the Geulah Sheleimah!

Shavuos: Seeing Sounds

The holiday of Shavuos is the unique moment in the year where Am Yisrael convenes to re-experience Ma’amad Har Sinai - the national assembly at the foot at Mount Sinai; the moment of Kabalas HaTorah, the receiving of the Torah HaKedoshah.

There are a vast amount of sources dedicated to detailing the abundant and fantastic miracles that occurred at Ma’amad Har Sinai, but among the most famous is not found in the Midrashim or the commentaries, rather it is simply stated in the Torah itself. The Passuk says (Shemos 20:15), “V’Chol Ha’Am Ro’im Es HaKolos” – ‘And the whole nation saw the sounds’. Amazing. Had the Torah itself not said it, telling the average reader that the Jewish nation perceived auditory messages with their eyes would be passed off as a far-flung psychedelic interpretation of the experience. But there it is; the Torah tells us, “V’Chol Ha’Am Ro’im Es HaKolos” – ‘And the whole nation saw the sounds’.

In order to reach a deeper understanding of what it means to see sounds, we need to understand the components separately by clarifying the seemingly obvious difference between our senses of sight and sound. With Hashem’s help, if we explore the profound words of the holy Sfas Emes hopefully we will walk away with a clearer and more inspiring understanding.

Everything in the Briyah, the expanse of creation, has Ma’alos and Chesronos - pluses and minuses. When comparing anything, one side will have strengths and weaknesses that the second side won’t. In the sensory world this applies just the same; sight affords us opportunities that sound doesn’t; and conversely, the ability to hear can accomplish things that sight cannot.

In the visual spectrum of Re’iya we say that what you see is what you get. We can perceive a whole message at once. There is a certain Shleimus, wholeness, that sight affords. We can take in an entire landscape in one shot. We can utilize Re’iya to recognize a person’s face with all of its factors and unique characteristics at once. Sound doesn’t quite pull this off. Sound by its very nature is a sense built on sequential processing. In a conversation or a song, syllable after syllable is decked on top of various nuances of tone to create a flowing idea that is only understood as the concept develops. Under normal circumstances, if we attempt to process the sounds that make up the phrase ‘have a nice day’ all at once, we will be left confused by the senseless cacophony.

Sound - Shmiya, has its strengths as well. Sound gives us a glimpse into the internal workings of the world. Sight only reveals the surface level. Any blockages in the way serve as the farthest point that can be perceived. If I visually judge a book by its cover, I remain clueless as to what its content is. On the other hand, sound is not bogged down by such things. Shmiya by its very nature comes from an internal reaction and it can never be seen. Speech – not just in the psychological sense – starts on my insides. Air is channeled form my guts and emerges developed. Speech, then, is a revelation of internal expression that surpasses shallow externalities; it is an internal experience. The eyes, which themselves remain surface-level organs are not like the ears, which in the very design channel sound deep inside my head.

Sight is externally full, but it ends with that level of profundity as well. Sound is deep but choppy. Sight is whole while sound needs to be pieced together. But, as we will explain, for Torah to be experienced as transcendental and other-worldly, it needs to be accepted on both levels and in the counterintuitive order.

This is what happened at Ma’amad Har Sinai. Because the Jews accomplished the supernatural feat of accepting the Torah both wholesomely and internally it came across to them supernaturally. Am Yisrael accomplished this with their famous words Na’aseh V’Nishma - first they accepted to fulfill all the Mitzvos and only then they resigned to learn about them. Let’s explain what this means.

Na’aseh - we will do – is connected to Re’iya because like we said, Re’iya means to absorb a greater context. When the Jews say Na’aseh first it means that Jews first accepted upon themselves the entire picture, the full spectrum of Torah-observance. Only then they said Nishma - we will listen, they took upon themselves the detailed education process second. Education is intrinsically a Shmiya-related process. One piece of information is build on top of the next to formulate a coherent lesson. Trying to digest an entire textbook at once would be very much like attempting to decipher ‘have a nice day’ in one confusing sound-bite.

But the Jews said, ‘We don’t care! We are so excited to bring Ratzon Hashem into our lives that we’ll try to take the whole thing on at once, with all of its massive implications. Na’aseh. Only after we’ve been completely fused with God’s will can we start to pick up the details. Nishma. First we full heartedly sign up, we get on board and sign at the dotted line - Na’aseh. Once we’re fully invested, emotionally and physically and we know that we won’t back out will we work out how to really grasp all of its complexities and really make it our own - Nishma.

Because the Jews were willing to go against logic and accept the big picture without knowing the details, because they brought Na’aseh before Nishma, Hashem reciprocated by reflecting their courageousness in the form of the Torah’s counterintuitive delivery – they were able to See (in connection to Na’aseh) the Sounds (in connection to Nishma).

What does this have to do with my acceptance of the Torah? The answer is that the concepts that we just discussed are the remedy to an all-to-common general lack of excitement about Torah that many of our peers may sometimes feel. How many times have we heard someone say that a certain aspect of Judaism, a specific concept or series of laws simply doesn’t speak to them? ‘I dunno; it’s just not for me.’ This is tragic. But it comes from a very ‘Nishma-first’ attitude. We believe - and for good and justified reason – that Judaism will be more meaningful if we accept it in parts. ‘I’m not interested in being a 100% Eved Hashem just yet – let’s learn a little bit and see where it goes.’ Such an outlook may be logical but it’s doomed for mediocrity. The Jews at Sinai certainly didn’t feel that way. They knew that accepting all of the seemingly endless details of an observant lifestyle may have been a little too much to handle at that moment, but they knew that they wanted to be fully on board, they knew that we were going to be entirely in-sync with the grand plan, even if it meant a slow process of picking up more and more knowledge as they went along. They were Na’aseh-first. We can learn from this model.

Na’aseh V’Nishma, and its production of V’Chol Ha’Am Ro’I'm Es HaKolos teaches us that any attempt at spiritual growth must be preceded by a whole-hearted dedication to everything holy – even if in actuality such deed is out of reach. The emotional and mental dedication to the cause - Na’aseh is absolutely crucial if there is to be meaningful and internalized carrying out of action - Nishma. Only when I go through this seemingly backwards logic in my dedication to spiritual growth will I be open to the possibility of experiencing a truly meaningful - and perhaps even magical - experience of my own Kabalas HaTorah.

Shavuos is our opportunity to set the record straight once again. Shavuos means that Am Yisrael is once again standing at the foot of Har Sinai, and if until now I’ve been picky-choosy and thereby overall unfulfilled and uninspired by my Judaism, now’s the time to turn it around. Now’s the time to say to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, “It’s just me and You. Nothing else. I’m on your side. It’s going to be hard, I know that already, and I may not be able to do everything at once, but I want to. I want to be a massive Tzadik. I want to be on a spiritual high 24/7. I want to keep all of the Mitzvos all the time. First I’ll say Na’aseh, I’ll tell you that I want it all. The I’ll say Nishma, I’ll show you that bit by bit I’ll make my way.”

HaKadosh Baruch Hu should give us a Bracha to tap into the amazing inspiration that comes to us by standing at Ma’amad Har Sinai once again. We should have the energy and motivation to achieve our upmost in Avodas Hashem. If we can do this there is no doubt that we will live lives of Shleimus and Simcha mocing closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and ultimately the Geulah Sheleimah!